August 17th, 2007 at 10:55 am

Beep–beep-beep–beep…. Code red on the ignorant, fat@$$, blabber-mouth detector!

Its a bit absurd that Ken (and now Kelly) think that there are “toothpaste enthusiasts.” Better yet, that the SmileTalk E-Newsletter from Colgate is a email program for said “enthusiasts.” Such an idea makes me wonder if either know the basic principals of targeted, direct marketing.

Is toothpaste a product that we are all going to get excited about? Does it evoke emotional feelings of desire like an Apple i-Phone or a new BMW 3 series? No. But that does not make an email that offers dental health information and product savings any less relevant to Colgate’s target consumer. After all, we all (hopefully) brush our teeth…

This leads me to my next question: What is Ken’s point? Toothpaste isn’t exciting? Duh.
Let us ponder the goose-pimple inducing product emails from other CPGs. Dish soap, body wash, shampoo, hair dye, floor sweepers, toilet bowl cleaner: all of which have email marketing vehicles. Do I wake up each morning and run to my laptop, filled with nervous glee in anticipation of having received the latest email from my deodorant brand of choice? Umm, no. But, if brands I use send me coupons to apply toward my next purchase of their product, great, thank you. If I’m not mistaken, this is the whole idea of direct marketing, right?

I have to mention, because Ken was all too willing to spout his big trap about CANN spam compliance, that he should choose his words carefully. That is, seeing how the DIRECT Magazine website Ken writes for offers direct mail lists for sale right on the site.

Oh, and Ken, just so you know, there are currently three newsletters from toilet manufacturers, so you CAN sign up for the “Daily Poop,” you big sh!+.

I think maybe we readers should look at Ken’s newsletter with the same scrutiny that he gave Colgate. A newsletter about toothpaste may be very low on my reading list. But, I have to say, that a column by some ogre sasquatch about how dumb a toothpaste newsletter is, falls right below it.